180+ seconds loading site - how to fix [sic]

I came across a site that has a loading time of 180+seconds. When discussing about how to fix such sites, a person who has steep corporate culture/experience, informed these notes. Very interesting...

Politics... Politics...
Create more and more politics. Create politics on URLs, labels, design and any weird things. Also, create mad/unnecessary competition--competition without any excellence.

Hype... Hype...
Create fake hype around the crap site. Make everyone speaks about it.

Team building = poaching!
Look for good performers in other team and poach them. Break other team through sneaky attempts. Get help of cabals.

Factoid... Factoid...
Spread rumors and factoids about other teams.

Appraisals... Appraisals...
Recommend more and more appraisals for sycophants.

Flexibility... Flexibility...
Treat sycophants like scientists and throw them with flexible timings. Still defend them so that you'll also be praised.

Time++ Time++
Develop the project for 13+ months; remember 13 is a lucky number. Still throw more and more time.

Vengeance... Vengeance...
When smart people question about performance of the site, take vengeance and fire them with smile.

Cartoonish rainbow web designs
Keep kids and sycophants around so that they'll always "appreciate" cartoonish designs. Kill readability and visibility with multiple colors. (Read Steve Jobs' take on ESPN phone)

Comments

Humble Award - Dr. A.N. Sreevatsan

Dr. A.N. Sreevatsan , ENT specialist located in Adyar, Chennai is one of the gems available in medicines. No assistants in his consulting room and he'd take at least 15mins for every patients. So far I have referred many and all are happy with his approach. Every wannabe doctor should visit him personally to understand his approach. I wish him to be more famous than now. Update (2010-11-21) : Added link to Google Map Keywords : Sreevatsan, Srivatsan, ENT, Adyar, Chennai, Hospital, Doctor

Technology prediction for 2018

Bubbles of bitcoin, blockchain, machine learning, deep learning, artificial intelligence and more People usually appreciate me for my predictions on technologies. As I already noted our team will quickly hit the edge case for any use cases and that's supposed to be the reason for my better prediction rate. And so, here are my predictions… Bitcoin bubble When Bitcoin became talk of the town/industry, I informed my boss and colleagues that I find no real use case for this digital currency--except in underground markets like drugs, etc. In fiat currencies, there is at least a way to take legal route, in case, if you've transferred the money and not received the goods. But, in Bitcoin, this is not possible at all as it is not a legal currency. So, if there is no trust, the chances that other person can cheat you by not sending the goods and or not transferring bitcoins after receiving goods. My stand above vindicated by the article Ten years in, nobody has come up with a...

Interview question #3

I came out with another interview question to find out the candidate's visualizing power : The object is chessboard --you know it has black and white squares. How will you visualize the chessboard in terms of mathematical formula? How will you visualize/depict the same in PHP code?