Skip to main content

180+ seconds loading site - how to fix [sic]


I came across a site that has a loading time of 180+seconds. When discussing about how to fix such sites, a person who has steep corporate culture/experience, informed these notes. Very interesting...

Politics... Politics...
Create more and more politics. Create politics on URLs, labels, design and any weird things. Also, create mad/unnecessary competition--competition without any excellence.

Hype... Hype...
Create fake hype around the crap site. Make everyone speaks about it.

Team building = poaching!
Look for good performers in other team and poach them. Break other team through sneaky attempts. Get help of cabals.

Factoid... Factoid...
Spread rumors and factoids about other teams.

Appraisals... Appraisals...
Recommend more and more appraisals for sycophants.

Flexibility... Flexibility...
Treat sycophants like scientists and throw them with flexible timings. Still defend them so that you'll also be praised.

Time++ Time++
Develop the project for 13+ months; remember 13 is a lucky number. Still throw more and more time.

Vengeance... Vengeance...
When smart people question about performance of the site, take vengeance and fire them with smile.

Cartoonish rainbow web designs
Keep kids and sycophants around so that they'll always "appreciate" cartoonish designs. Kill readability and visibility with multiple colors. (Read Steve Jobs' take on ESPN phone)
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Don't innovate!

Gopinath had a shocking news for me this morning... the site that we were cloning--cloning with additional features and innovations had just released a new version, but with six features taken from our version. Had we released it some days before, we might have grabbed the innovation pride. But... The weirdest thing was that we're forced to clone including the landing page as in their previous version (and that is the reason for this delay), but when we're doing, they switched to our homepage version! Damn... It doesn't stop here. I was pacifying myself and pushing the software to be released by afternoon--at least then to claim the innovation card. Now Kanagavel has another "good news" for me, that we have to "tune" the product to be exactly as in PSD that would take another week to ship...
1 comment
Read more

Stampede and the "Dirty" "Dark" Crowd

Actor Ajith Kumar’s recent interview has sparked quite a few conversations on social media. The part that caught my attention, was his take on crowds. About 30 years ago, when I first joined a college in Madurai after growing up in other places, I experienced a few cultural shocks. Perhaps these weren’t unique to Madurai, but that’s where I first noticed them. One major thing that stood out was the behavior of crowds. For instance, if you suddenly see people rushing to board a bus, chances are there’s a pickpocket in action. During one of Madurai's annual festivals, I noticed some young men carrying water bags — not to distribute water, but to spill it on women, often on their chests. Shockingly, this was almost normalized; parents would quietly tolerate it to avoid public embarrassment, walking a little farther behind the crowd. When some women happened to witness this, they would just shoo the boys away instead of confronting them. The crowd, in such cases, became a kind of...
Post a Comment
Read more

Converting PSD with PHP/ImageMagick

After seeing feature rich options in Imagick PECL extension at Mikko Koppanen 's (the author) website and also impressed with ImageMagick 's features, I have decided to use it for the PSD to XHTML conversion website that I'm architecting and managing. Since, the team wants programming help for converting PSD images, I have tried it (documentation is sparse on PSD handling) Converting PSD to PNG/JPEG/etc Note that, flattenImages() is needed for layered/multi-page PSD file. <?php $im = new Imagick('test.psd'); $im->flattenImages(); $im->setImageFormat('png'); $im->writeImage('test.png'); ?> Extracting PSD layers One by one <?php $im = new Imagick('test.psd'); $im->setImageFormat('png'); for ($i = 0, $num_layers = $im->getNumberImages(); $i $im->setImageIndex($i); $im->writeImage('layer' . $i . '.png'); } ?> Note that, there is a better version below In a single call with writeIm...
5 comments
Read more