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Teachers' Kids: The Topper Syndrome

Tao Te Ching

Fill your bowl to the brim

and it will spill.

Keep sharpening your knife

and it will blunt.

Chase after money and security

and your heart will never unclench.

Care about people's approval

and you will be their prisoner.


Do your work, then step back.

The only path to serenity.

I have some intriguing theories about teachers' kids, and I've noticed a phenomenon I call "topper syndrome" in many of them. It seems that teachers, often due to their demanding schedules such as office politics, spend less time or prefer to spend less time with their own children. Consequently, they set vague goals for their kids, such as becoming the class topper or always winning first prizes.

In their early years, teachers often encourage their kids to showcase their normal or minimal talents, like memorizing sacred texts, in front of friends and family. This can build early confidence. Additionally, due to the influence these teachers have in their schools or communities, other educators might show bias, awarding higher marks to these children and further boosting their confidence.

However, what happens when these kids grow up, leave their familiar circles, and face the real world?

Stage 1: They strive to maintain their topper status. While some succeed, many struggle because the competition is now much broader.

Stage 2: They begin to complain about the "stage," or the teachers and judges who evaluate them.

Stage 3: They start seeking out smaller, more manageable environments where they can still excel. They might prefer smaller colleges or community groups where they can maintain their comfortable position as top performers.

Stage 4: They avoid challenges. For instance, if offered an easy job, they may reject it with vague excuses. When faced with tougher tasks, they find other reasons to decline.

Stage 5: Eventually, they may give up altogether.

My take on this is that parents should avoid flattering their children excessively. It's important to push kids out of their comfort zones, help them avoid the trap of being a perpetual "topper," and most importantly, appreciate their efforts rather than just their outcomes. By doing so, we can prepare them better for the real world, fostering resilience and a genuine sense of achievement.

Disclosure:

The following ChatGPT prompt is used in this blog post:

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