R. Rajesh Jeba Anbiah

There has been a lot of discussion lately about celebrity divorces. As someone who closely observes human behavior, I have been thinking about a possible pattern behind some relationships. Before explaining my thought, I should mention something about my own background. From childhood, I was never particularly drawn to the idea of physical beauty. In fact, I even had a somewhat negative view of it. This may have come from the value systems around me while growing up. I also remember a religious gathering where someone said that a woman's beauty reflects her inner mind. Even at that time, I instinctively rejected that idea. Over the years, however, I have started noticing certain patterns in couples. When couples walk closely together, sit near each other, and interact affectionately in public, there often seems to be an interesting dynamic. In many such cases, the woman appears more attractive than the man. Sometimes she also seems more powerful in...

Actor Ajith Kumar’s recent interview has sparked quite a few conversations on social media. The part that caught my attention, was his take on crowds. About 30 years ago, when I first joined a college in Madurai after growing up in other places, I experienced a few cultural shocks. Perhaps these weren’t unique to Madurai, but that’s where I first noticed them. One major thing that stood out was the behavior of crowds. For instance, if you suddenly see people rushing to board a bus, chances are there’s a pickpocket in action. During one of Madurai's annual festivals, I noticed some young men carrying water bags — not to distribute water, but to spill it on women, often on their chests. Shockingly, this was almost normalized; parents would quietly tolerate it to avoid public embarrassment, walking a little farther behind the crowd. When some women happened to witness this, they would just shoo the boys away instead of confronting them. The crowd, in such cases, became a kind of...

Since the COVID period, I developed an interest in exploring old books from the 1700s to the 1900s through Google Books. I first focused on the celebrated Protestant missionary Ringeltaube, but over time, my curiosity expanded toward understanding the demographics and social practices of that era. In Tamil Nadu, what is often celebrated as "Tamil Culture" revolves around the practice of monogamy, known locally as ஒருவனுக்கு ஒருத்தி — meaning one woman for one man. Some even compare this tradition with practices in other states, claiming Tamil culture is especially unique. This sense of pride is particularly strong around Madurai, where people often refer to themselves as “pure Tamil” when compared with neighboring regions like Kanyakumari, whose people they call Malayalis. What’s striking, though, is that this proud image doesn’t always align with historical accounts. A book published in 1885 (I’ve chosen not to mention its title or link to avoid stirring controversy) ma...

Back in the late 1980s (exactly in 1988, according to some searches)—there was a much-loved Malayalam serial called Mandan Kunju . Ever since then, our family developed a deep appreciation for Nedumudi Venu. His acting was often compared to that of Sivaji Ganesan, who was widely celebrated at the time. There were even debates about how Nedumudi was surpassing Sivaji with his unmatched natural style. Even in his 30s, Nedumudi would appear with grey hair, convincingly portraying elderly characters. About 35 years ago, I happened to watch a film in which Nedumudi Venu actually played the lead role—something quite rare in his career. I couldn’t remember the plot or the supporting cast, but what stayed with me vividly was the setting. The film had been shot in Munnar’s Madupetty Estate, with the estate school serving as one of the locations. I also remembered a Carnatic-influenced song filmed outdoors in the estate, which left a strong impression on me. For years, I tried to rediscover ...

There’s an old saying that, 50 years ago, babies in South India would take 40 days to open their eyes—while today, they open them within minutes. Similarly, people used to believe that breastfeeding worked as a natural family planning method for up to five years about a century ago, but now, they say evolution has overridden that too. Along those lines, I wonder—has evolution diminished motherhood itself, or have we simply misunderstood and overburdened it? Although I don’t actively follow the news much these days, I still come across troubling stories—particularly from Tamil Nadu—where mothers have harmed or even killed their own children. In one viral video, a husband explains how his wife, addicted to Instagram reels, finds it too inconvenient to feed their child and calls him during work hours to do it instead. It raises a disturbing question: Are some Tamil mothers starting to see their own children as burdens—or is it the act of caregiving that feels burdensome? Perhaps bo...

Lately, I’ve been noticing a curious pattern in the behavior of many parents from Kanyakumari, particularly mothers. There’s a recurring tendency to project emotions—anger, sadness, happiness—onto their children, not because the child is actually feeling that way, but to communicate something about the parent’s own desires or discomforts. It’s a subtle form of gaslighting. For example, if a mother doesn’t want to accompany her husband on a social visit, she might say, “Our son is in a bad mood today, let’s stay home,” even when the child is perfectly fine. The child becomes an emotional excuse, a buffer used to influence someone else's behavior without direct confrontation. Sometimes, these projections go deeper. If a mother-in-law dislikes her daughter-in-law, she may subtly portray her own son as short-tempered or unstable. The goal isn't to protect the child, but to create distance between the couple—without ever saying so explicitly. Why do I frame this as a Kanyakum...

I recently watched an interview featuring Mrs. Sujatha on the Aval Vikatan YouTube channel, and I couldn’t help but write this post in response. In the video, she indirectly expresses regret about her relationship with the late writer Sujatha, implying that they lacked the kind of emotional bonding that today’s couples supposedly enjoy (?!). She also mentions that he would get angry at home, in contrast to his calm public persona. She suggests that they didn’t talk much—ironically, I vividly remember Sujatha’s own writing about the relationship between actress Shobha and Balu Mahendra, in which he quoted something his wife had said! Toward the end of the interview, she talks about the wealth and royalties he left behind, suggesting that material things don’t matter. ( It’s ironic—men spend their entire lives working to build wealth and security for their wives and families. ) What struck me even more was the comment section. Most of the viewers seemed critical of writer Sujatha, e...