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The Overrated Tamil Culture

Since the COVID period, I developed an interest in exploring old books from the 1700s to the 1900s through Google Books. I first focused on the celebrated Protestant missionary Ringeltaube, but over time, my curiosity expanded toward understanding the demographics and social practices of that era. In Tamil Nadu, what is often celebrated as "Tamil Culture" revolves around the practice of monogamy, known locally as ஒருவனுக்கு ஒருத்தி — meaning one woman for one man. Some even compare this tradition with practices in other states, claiming Tamil culture is especially unique. This sense of pride is particularly strong around Madurai, where people often refer to themselves as “pure Tamil” when compared with neighboring regions like Kanyakumari, whose people they call Malayalis. What’s striking, though, is that this proud image doesn’t always align with historical accounts. A book published in 1885 (I’ve chosen not to mention its title or link to avoid stirring controversy) ma...
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Malayalis may not have valued Nedumudi Venu, but ChatGPT did

Back in the late 1980s (exactly in 1988, according to some searches)—there was a much-loved Malayalam serial called Mandan Kunju . Ever since then, our family developed a deep appreciation for Nedumudi Venu. His acting was often compared to that of Sivaji Ganesan, who was widely celebrated at the time. There were even debates about how Nedumudi was surpassing Sivaji with his unmatched natural style. Even in his 30s, Nedumudi would appear with grey hair, convincingly portraying elderly characters. About 35 years ago, I happened to watch a film in which Nedumudi Venu actually played the lead role—something quite rare in his career. I couldn’t remember the plot or the supporting cast, but what stayed with me vividly was the setting. The film had been shot in Munnar’s Madupetty Estate, with the estate school serving as one of the locations. I also remembered a Carnatic-influenced song filmed outdoors in the estate, which left a strong impression on me. For years, I tried to rediscover ...

Did Evolution Undermine Motherhood—or Are We Simply Expecting Too Much from Mothers?

There’s an old saying that, 50 years ago, babies in South India would take 40 days to open their eyes—while today, they open them within minutes. Similarly, people used to believe that breastfeeding worked as a natural family planning method for up to five years about a century ago, but now, they say evolution has overridden that too. Along those lines, I wonder—has evolution diminished motherhood itself, or have we simply misunderstood and overburdened it? Although I don’t actively follow the news much these days, I still come across troubling stories—particularly from Tamil Nadu—where mothers have harmed or even killed their own children. In one viral video, a husband explains how his wife, addicted to Instagram reels, finds it too inconvenient to feed their child and calls him during work hours to do it instead. It raises a disturbing question: Are some Tamil mothers starting to see their own children as burdens—or is it the act of caregiving that feels burdensome? Perhaps bo...

Gaslighting & Emotional Manipulation Among Kanyakumari Parents

Lately, I’ve been noticing a curious pattern in the behavior of many parents from Kanyakumari, particularly mothers. There’s a recurring tendency to project emotions—anger, sadness, happiness—onto their children, not because the child is actually feeling that way, but to communicate something about the parent’s own desires or discomforts. It’s a subtle form of gaslighting. For example, if a mother doesn’t want to accompany her husband on a social visit, she might say, “Our son is in a bad mood today, let’s stay home,” even when the child is perfectly fine. The child becomes an emotional excuse, a buffer used to influence someone else's behavior without direct confrontation. Sometimes, these projections go deeper. If a mother-in-law dislikes her daughter-in-law, she may subtly portray her own son as short-tempered or unstable. The goal isn't to protect the child, but to create distance between the couple—without ever saying so explicitly. Why do I frame this as a Kanyakum...

Mrs. Sujatha, Marriage, and Misunderstandings

I recently watched an interview featuring Mrs. Sujatha on the Aval Vikatan YouTube channel, and I couldn’t help but write this post in response. In the video, she indirectly expresses regret about her relationship with the late writer Sujatha, implying that they lacked the kind of emotional bonding that today’s couples supposedly enjoy (?!). She also mentions that he would get angry at home, in contrast to his calm public persona. She suggests that they didn’t talk much—ironically, I vividly remember Sujatha’s own writing about the relationship between actress Shobha and Balu Mahendra, in which he quoted something his wife had said! Toward the end of the interview, she talks about the wealth and royalties he left behind, suggesting that material things don’t matter. ( It’s ironic—men spend their entire lives working to build wealth and security for their wives and families. ) What struck me even more was the comment section. Most of the viewers seemed critical of writer Sujatha, e...

Looking Back at My Predictions

People who work closely with me often appreciate my ability to anticipate trends in technology stacks. With that in mind, I recently revisited some of my old blog posts—and it turns out, many of those predictions have held true. Here are a few handpicked posts that aged well: Prediction: Expensify will crash through its insane question-based hiring process February 23, 2022 BlackLivesMatter campaign may consolidate votes for Trump June 15, 2020 Technology prediction for 2018 January 16, 2018 Node.js and client app are the future of webdeving? December 29, 2011 Yahoo! and delicious.com - What's wrong? December 19, 2010 Disclosure: The following ChatGPT prompt is used in this blog post: Please fix the language of the below text and highlight the changes in bold:

Shaping the Future: My Hopes and Dreams for My Children

I believe every parent has their own hopes for what their children might become, often shaped by personal experiences or insecurities. For instance, a janitor may wish for his child to achieve the success of his boss, and so on. My aspirations for my children stem from my own life and career experiences. There were many things I wanted to pursue but couldn’t, for various reasons. Over the years, I’ve suggested career paths to others based on their talents, and some have succeeded to the extent I anticipated. This gives me confidence in my ability to foresee what might be best for someone. For a long time, I’ve had ideas about my children’s future, and I want to put them in writing to see how things unfold. In short, I have a positive view of the freelance economy and royalty-based work. Royalty-based careers are a dream for many—creating something once and earning from it for a lifetime. I see similarities between Pillai and Heleena in how quickly they pick up new things. Pillai is a n...

Blogging Divides Family

 I was surprised to find out that Heleena reads my blog and took one of my posts personally—thinking it was about her. To be honest, she never crossed my mind when I wrote that piece. However, convincing her of that has been tough. She tends to hold a grudge for a couple of months and waits for the right moment to give back to me! Disclosure: The following ChatGPT prompt is used in this blog post: Please fix the language of the below text and highlight the changes in bold:

Teachers' Kids: The Topper Syndrome

Tao Te Ching Fill your bowl to the brim and it will spill. Keep sharpening your knife and it will blunt. Chase after money and security and your heart will never unclench. Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner. Do your work, then step back. The only path to serenity.