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Thursday, July 28, 2011

180+ seconds loading site - how to fix [sic]


I came across a site that has a loading time of 180+seconds. When discussing about how to fix such sites, a person who has steep corporate culture/experience, informed these notes. Very interesting...

Politics... Politics...
Create more and more politics. Create politics on URLs, labels, design and any weird things. Also, create mad/unnecessary competition--competition without any excellence.

Hype... Hype...
Create fake hype around the crap site. Make everyone speaks about it.

Team building = poaching!
Look for good performers in other team and poach them. Break other team through sneaky attempts. Get help of cabals.

Factoid... Factoid...
Spread rumors and factoids about other teams.

Appraisals... Appraisals...
Recommend more and more appraisals for sycophants.

Flexibility... Flexibility...
Treat sycophants like scientists and throw them with flexible timings. Still defend them so that you'll also be praised.

Time++ Time++
Develop the project for 13+ months; remember 13 is a lucky number. Still throw more and more time.

Vengeance... Vengeance...
When smart people question about performance of the site, take vengeance and fire them with smile.

Cartoonish rainbow web designs
Keep kids and sycophants around so that they'll always "appreciate" cartoonish designs. Kill readability and visibility with multiple colors. (Read Steve Jobs' take on ESPN phone)

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